Living on the tracks

Sunday 27^th January 9pm

There’s a thing a lot of people have been saying about the combination of listening to comedy and public transport. That thing is DON’T. Never the twain shall meet. But the truth is, it’s the best time to listen. At home, you’re either doing something else and can’t give the comedy your full attention, end up missing bits and having to endlessly rewind a minute or two. By the time the joke you’ve missed has come round again, you’ve got back into your work and have stopped listening properly again. So it goes on and you end up hearing the same bits over and over again. The whole thing ends up being a not entirely pleasant experience. The other problem is that at home you tend to have a television with, if you’re lucky, a DVD player. Why treat one sense when you can treat two? Give those eyes some bright colour and excitement as well as your lugholes.

So, as I was saying, the best time to listen to comedy is on the move, and as I don’t drive, public transport it is. So here I am on the train, listening to Harry Hill’s Hooves, a live show. I’m finding it funny so, inevitably, laugh. But then I lolled all over the place. A big fat LOL! I was a little embarrassed but fuck it, I like it when I hear people laughing on the train, whether it is apparently at nothing or not (If you check and there are no headphones attached to this person, perhaps it is a little strange) ANYWAY, when I lolled, a girl, I don’t know about my age, maybe a little older. Stared at me, got up from her seat and moved a little way down the carriage. How rude! Well I’m sorry if my merriment is ruining your journey! The worst thing is, she took the only table and spread her stuff about so as to make it clear there was to be no sharing; scarf on one seat, coat on another, bag on the other and bum on the last. Here I am scrunched up with my laptop. Of course she has moved now in her Women Against Laughter protest, but I reckon her strop aura is still there and don’t want to get involved in those vibes. Plus I can’t be arsed to move.

(If you like blogs about incidents on trains, why not check out Matthew Crosby’s blog? It is full of good ones.)

I’ve got a presentation on Tuesday. I’ve got to pitch a feature film idea. It’s going quite well, I’ve spent the weekend doing a photo shoot and on powerpoint. I rule. Not as much as my boyfriend though who took and ‘polished up’ the photos for me. Here’s the mock up poster for my film (It’s a dark comedy (very dark, think Wicker Man) about a vicar who hears the voice of Yahweh, the old testament God. He hears the voice and it tells him to sacrifice his congregation, one by one, as they sin.)

As a thank you I ordered him Belleville Rendezvouz on DVD, we caught it on, more4 I think it was. It’s a French animation which is dialogue free, save for the incidental back, it looks fantastic, my vole (did I say vole? I meant boyfriend) was hooting like a loon. I’m on the train now, obviously (still laughing along to Harry Hill) but when I get back I shall see if there is a clip on the you tube and if there is it shall appear here -

I’m on the second leg of the journey back to Bournemouth. It’s now almost 11pm. What a dirty stop out! But ooh get me, I’m in a first class carriage. And this time it’s not at the invitation of maybe-bad-man Chris Langham. I’m on a train which seems to think the only people who use laptops which might need plugging in are first class ticket holders. So I went to see the guard to see if they were doing the £5 upgrade they sometimes do at weekends. £5 for a carriage to myself is a small price to pay. This is a long journey and it’s a late train so most people are drunk. It turns out I don’t even need to pay it. The guard “can’t be bothered” to upgrade me. I commend such laziness.

Because of this luxury and solitude I am committing the biggest train sin. I am playing my music aloud. The lovely back catalogue of Lambchop. Mmmm nice. If I could smoke in here, this would be the perfect writing atmosphere. I always write more on the train than anywhere else.

This has given me a great idea. If I could afford to, I would travel around all day, with nothing but my laptop and handbag. I could go as far as I like, (flights and boats I will disallow, or it may turn into a glorified Gap Year) and take a couple of hours break in a different city every day. Spend the morning on the way to Manchester (for example) have lunch there, meet a friend, spend the afternoon travelling back. All the time I shall be writing, not being distracted by the internet or Mariokart, or a social life.

Maybe I’ll write a book about it. Maybe I will go all around the world. I’ll call it Me and My Laptop.

Maybe not.

You may have noticed that I still find ways to procrastinate. Apart from writing this blog, I have also played 2 games of Mahjong on my laptop. Still, I’ve done a considerable more amount of work than I normally do.

And this blog is a considerable amount longer. Apologies.

Here’s a COUNTDOWN CONUNDRUM for you ... I can’t remember what the last one was, oh yeh REALISTIC was the answer. Adam and Robin both got it right, but neither claimed their prize. So this blog we have a ROLLOVER! WOOOOOOOOOOO! Not only do you get to chose the topic or make me say whatever you like in the next blog, you also will get to chose from the following prizes –

1 – Choose what I have as my myspace picture for one week. You can either choose from my pictures already there, or you can choose any photo on the world wide interweb (or your collection). As long as it won’t get my account deleted, it’s your choice.

OR

2 – I will photoshop your myspace picture in as amusing a way I can think of. Or design you a new one, something like that.

Want that amazing prize? Do you? DO YOU? Well you’ll have to earn it! Here’s the conundrum –

FLEASKINS

There you are.

We are now arriving at Woking, Woking is the next station.

Bye!

Sophie x

Date with the Gods Access 2000

Blogfan Richard got the conundrum again! SOAPGENIE was the muddled version. ESPIONAGE is the unmuddled version.
Please someone else give it a go, Richard is obviously scraping the barrel with blog discussion topics.....
He wants me to do one asking how to get an Access 2000 database. I don't know what this is, but anyone with nuggets of wisdom, leave a comment for Richard to pick up.

Today's Conundrum - CLARITISE
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stephen Green explains - What is Islam?

He finished with this deal clincher -

Allah says, "Die for me." Jesus says, "I died for you." Who will you follow?

Allah, he sounds strong. This Jesus bloke sounds like an obsessed emo ex-boyfriend. BUT I DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOU, PLEASE CALL....I LOVE YOU. Allah's like this sexy bloke who ties you up and spanks you. Yehh, I know who I'll follow. But still, I bet Jesus will follow me.... He reads this blog you know. He's written a song about how upset he is that I don't love him. Spank me, Allah, spank me.

I've got a headache. Bye.

Sophie x

The Langham Blog (with Daily Mail Fun!)

This Blog will be in two parts. Part One, my reaction. Part Two, The Daily Mail and its readers' reactions.

(What a sicko, he even smokes where one shouldn't...)

Me

So I have wiped my tears and will now write about Chris Langham on Shrink Rap. Pamela Stephenson was more bearable in this than other episodes because she managed to shut up and listen and not assume too much. I remember in the one with Stephen Fry she seemed adamant to make Stephen Fry admit he found his buggery at boarding school traumatic, whereas he thought is wasn't that much of a big deal. Fair enough, I'm sure he's done it a lot since. I think he said he found it surprising, but not that traumatic. I can't be bothered to look up the quote, it was something along those lines. I think the reason in this one was that Chris Langham obviously really wanted to talk about it. So she didn't have to probe too much. She asked the questions that needed asking, and apart from that sat back and listened. So well done to her.
Some might argue that this was a big PR stunt, that Chris went on to get sympathy, to get people to stop saying he's a paedophile, but I think he's cleverer than that. Whatever he says, there will be people who will label him and not care what arguments he has, or whether he had a traumatic experience. He is a paedo and should be shot, end of. And I think he realises that. Sure, I think he wanted the chance for people to understand him better, but I think once the interview/session got going he forgot about the cameras and was honest and open.
He spoke about his alcohol and drug addiction which I wasn't really aware of. I'd heard he used to be an alcoholic but I didn't realise what he had been through. He spoke of one incident where his wife gave birth to a daughter who was strangled by the umbilical cord at birth. He left his wife in a ward full of happy new parents to go to his dealer. 'My baby has just died, I think you should give me a gram on credit'. He said the memory of this is enough to stop him ever going back to drugs and alcoholism.
He also talked of his abuse as a child, on a boating trip with a 'family friend' and how the main memory for him was the man's arms around him telling him he had done well. And this made him feel better, but also made him hate himself that he would go to such lengths for validation.
He also, of course, told Pamela Stephenson about the trial experience.

Man, I'm such a wuss, I'm finding this upsetting just to write, what right have I got to talk about this guy's life. Am I too weak? I should be picking holes in the interview, laughing at bits, that would be an entertaining blog, right? Well blah to that, this is what this blog is going to be like, the bitching will be in the second half, hell you can believe that.

In summary, I found the interview quite upsetting, but in a warming way. I felt happy for him to have the chance to get it out in the open, to talk so candidly, and strangely felt proud of him. How strong he must be. There was a moment, right at the end of the interview where he talked about a film, I forget the name of it, I hadn't heard of it before. But anyway, Pamela Stephenson asked if he had lied to her at any point in the interview. He said he hadn't, then talked about a moment in this film...... in this film there's a community of deceit, everyone's sleeping with everyone else behind each others' backs apart from this one lady. She knows her husband is cheating on her. She ends up eating alone in a restaurant one night and sees another guy from the community eating alone. They end up chatting together and leave the restaurant and walking together, as they live the same way. He said that as the audience, you're behind her, her husband is cheating on her, she is alone, she deserves a nice evening with a man. But when he gets to his home and invites her up, she declines and says "I know who I am."
Chris felt he didn't have to lie anymore because he knows who he is, when he was knee deep in drugs and alcoholism he didn't know who he was and lied all the time. Now he knows who he is, he can tell the truth and people can, essentially, like it or lump it.

I can't help but feel jealous of this. I hope I feel like that one day. Maybe you can only feel such clarity of self after having been through such shit. Am I missing out by having a supportive and loving family?

Aaaaanyway, in conclusion, feel sorry for what he's been through, think he's a stoopid oopid for doing what he did, but overall top bloke.

Read my blog from May 06 when it first started... (If only for the great pun title)

The Daily Mail

So it's too soon to find out what everyone thought of the show, I'm sure the red tops will be full of hilaaaaaaaaarious headlines tomorrow. Let's guess some....

PAEDO AND PROUD
PITY ME? I DON'T THINK SO!
LANGHAM DEFIANT IN DOWNLOADING KIDDY SUCK SUCK VIDEOS
LANGHAM LOVES THEM KIDZ

Well yes, anyway, I'm sure they will be twats. Unfair of me to assume this? Well I'm going on this , the Daily Mail's 'preview'. They go with headline - 'I've got nothing to be ashamed of,' says disgraced actor Chris Langham. Ok, he said it, do they back it up with the context.....let's check.....eeeerrrm, no.

They go on to say The comedian claimed during an interview recorded just days after he was released from prison that he had even been "courageous" when he viewed shocking images of child sex abuse. I don't remember him saying he was courageous in this moment, but if he did, I think it was in context of being forced to watch the videos in full which he had clicked on then stopped immediately, not being able to stand watching. Not exactly what they're implying really.

Why are such publications allowed? Probably because it is but NOTHING compared with what 'The common man' seems to think. They are simply feedinga hungry nation of pigheaded headline munching goons. It is the comments that really make for upsetting reading.

This pathetic runt of a man should not be allowed near our television screens. One minute he claims he is sorry and the next he is defiant. He is a sick pervert and deserves pity and contempt - not his own show!

- Margaret Jones, Worcester, UK

These perverts should have a "P" branded on their foreheads.

- Martin, Clacton,England

I know television has now plummeted to new depths when I see this repulsive character thrust into our faces.

- Tony Quinlan, Essex

Still scum.

- Simon Hughes, Coventry

'Done nothing to be ashamed of' - Oh yes he has - a warthog has more morals than this pond life.

- Olderbird, Northants

This is typical paedophile behaviour - he doesn't think he has done anything wrong.

- Liz, London

Sad, deluded little man.

- David Bourke, Rochester, England.

If Langham thinks he has nothing to be ashamed of he is clearly deluded. Keep this disgusting man off our screens - we don't want to hear his pathetic excuses.

- Sue G, Perth Scotland

We're not interested.

- Betty, Reading

He should not be allowed to return to the television screen.

- Mrs Barniss, Yorkshire

This piece of scum makes my blood boil.

- Sylvia, UK

I know what you're thinking, "So? Don't just sit on the sidelines and mock them, write something yourself!"

I did -

These comments make my blood boil.

I have a lot of sympathy for Chris Langham and am proud of him for being so open about his experience.

Did any of you actually watch the show, or let me guess, you wrote these comments on the basis of this article alone, which, I may say chooses its quotes very sneakily.

Disgusting. I look forward to the ridiculous headline on your newspaper tomorrow morning.

On posting, I got the following message -

Your comment will be reviewed shortly. Comments may be edited and not all will be published.

So, let's see if the Daily Mail only allows outrageous "Paedos must burn" arguments onto their site, or whether they'll let a wet liberal like me air my view. Check back the site here, I know I will be.

Please leave your opinion in a comment.

Sophie x

Problems

Let's start with it this time.

Countdown Conundrum IVYSTRIDE - DIVERSITY

Today's - SOAPGENIE

No one got it. It could be because no one tried, or it could be because no one read my blog. But I shall have to assume that you are all stupid, everyone in the interworld but me, is STUPID and can't do a simple conundrum. Durrrr.

So since I'm the only one who got it, I get to chose what I write about. I choose Chris Langham on Shrink Rap, I shall be writing as I watch.

As I wait for it to come on, I shall just tell you about a strange encounter I just had. I went to the shop to get wine for my housemates and get myself some dissertation biscuits. But I heard a strange noise, I thought it was a cat, but as I got closer I realised it was someone crying. There was a lady sat outside her house, bawling her eyes out. There was no one with her, and she was obviously distraught so I had to stop. I asked her a very stupid question, "Are you alright?" She said yes. I offered to call someone, asked her if there was anything she needed. She needed a fag. Fair dos, she certainly did. I offered her a hug, which is a pretty strange thing to do these days, offer a stranger a hug. She accepted, and seemed glad to have a shoulder to cry on. She kissed me on the cheek and went inside, so I walked on my way.

It makes my problems of having not quite enough light in my 'working space' a little bit pathetic really. Still, I don't want to strain my eyes do I?

So, the adverts are on now, Chris Langham is about to be on Shrink Rap. I met Chris Langham on my way to my interview to Bournemouth University in Summer 2005. The Comedy Geek that I am, I had to go and say hello, that I was a fan etc. We ended up chatting all the way to London, and he helped me prepare for my interview. So I like him.

It's starting now...

Ooooh unflattering close ups and a V.O introduction, oh no he cries later on. I'm not gonna like this.

I don't know if I can blog about this now. It's too sad....

Watch it now, or on more 4 plus one if you missed it.

Sophie x

Emergency blog - Pat Sharp.

I just have to share this....



Not only is it very funny, of course, but doesn't Pat Sharp look like Jerry Seinfeld, A LOT?!

It's true, right? Yeh.

Sophie x

Adam and Joe stole my Monday

Last night I did very well in preparing for today. I did some more reading, arranged all my research into chapter piles and wrote a plan for the chapter I was going to write. Well done me.

That started at 8pm and finished at about 3am. Before that I spent the day thinking how dark it was in my room. I tried removing the light shade - it's one of those papery ones, so I thought* that removing it might brighten things up a bit. But WOE UPON ME, darker times were upon me** because not only did it not make a difference, but now, everywhere I looked, a little light bulb obscured my view. Little bright lightbulb in front of the computer screen, little bright light bulb in front of my books, little bright light bulb in front of my eyes everywhere. So I browse the internet and found a nice table lamp. Now I will be able to work. Once it arrives. Let there be light. (As I was on amazon, I might as well order a new alarm clock...I have a nice retro one, but it loses time so fast. I have to set my alarm for 5am for it to go off at 8.30ish. Depending what time I go to bed. I need to get rid of this retro unreliable tardy clock and get a new, shiny clock that tells the actual time. Of course I want one that plays the radio because who wants to wake to a beep? So of course I need to get a DAB digital radio one, because I like 6music. Now I have something worth living for. The arrival of my lamp and digital radio alarm clock. Woo. Loans coming in are good. I am less into my overdraft than I was before. (Wasn't this paragraph dull?)

So that was yesterday, and today I woke at approximately 8ish (I mis-timed my alarming, got up, had a bowl of cereal, checked my email, felt freezing cold, thought it was too dark, so got in bed with my essay plan and a pen, and fell asleep. I woke again at noontime and walked around the house for a bit. I put on the Adam and Joe 6music radio show using the listen again feature (I won't have to do this when I get my fancy new digital radio!!) I then got dressed and wrote 2 sentences over and over again (unlike with these blogs, I usually have trouble writing and rewrite and rewrite until there's nothing left). I wrote nothing on the chapter, tried to make myself feel better by reading a book for a while. There was nothing helpful in it, but it was very interesting (May I recommend Karen Armstrong's 'The History of God', it's very interesting) It's strange reading a book and listening to a radio show at the same time. My concentration is on the book while songs play, but on the radio while they chat the funnies, but sometimes the funnies and the God bit mix up in my head and I wish I could end this paragraph in a funny way by putting a funny and a god thought together, but I can't think of anything. Bye....

Then Dad*** comes in and tells me dinner is ready. We decide to watch a bit of my Adam and Joe DVD I got from a charity shop for a mere £2. Then it's Midnight. Now it's 1 and I've watched Seinfeld and Never Mind the Buzzcocks while half paying attention to this blog.

We watched the best of all 4 series, the making of Adam and Joe and enjoyed the menu screens about 2 more times than is healthy.

Watch lots on Adam Buxton's youtube site

Here's a favourite of mine (youtube exclusive from Adam Buxton that you've probably all seen, but why not enjoy it again?)



Countdown Conundrum - IVYSTRIDE

(Apologies to last blog's Countdown Conundrum winner, as you may have noticed I abandoned the blog for a while.... Do not let this stop you entering (oo-er) this time. You can make me write what you like. You could even suggest photoshopping challenges (I am rubbish, it would be funny))

Mark Lamarr thinks he is funnier than he is.

Bye.

Sophie x
-----------------------------
Footnotes

*Indeed here, I stopped writing for ages because I got distracted by F-U-R-E-N-D-S and the piss up in a brewery in series 2.
**Apologies for the repetition of upon me
***Typo

I lost my legwarmers...

Okay, so I missed Saturday the 5th.... I didn't have access to a computer. Also now I am writing from my boyfriend's house and don't have my countdown calendar with me, so you shall have to do without a conundrum for today. (PLUS you missed yesterdays. I think perhaps a triple conundrum tomorrow. Oh blimey, there's a reason to tune in....!)

So, although we have a winner from the last blogs conundrum, I have only just informed them, so I have no instructions as yet. I'm free!

Yesterday I did the Monopoly pub crawl. The idea is that you go to a pub on every street on the monopoly board. I think it was 26 pubs, a drink in each.... I went with my friend Paul. We failed. I think some other people succeeded, but we got a little tired of rushing off every 5 minutes. Plus I got distracted by a ride in Leicester Sq. Woo fly high! I was so drunk at this point that my adrenaline forgot to kick in. As I wooshed past my friends I wooped and shouted that I loved them, but really I was really relaxed. I had been hot and sweaty and the cool night air rushing through my hair, and gazing across the view of London was really quite serene and lovely.

and I lost my legwarmers. A lady stole them. Well, I gave them to her and forgot to ask for them back.

I also composed this chat-up line for ladies to use on men.

Nice beard, wanna see mine?

Sure, it only works on men with beards. Why not try this variation for a clean-shaven chap...

You should grow a beard. Mine looks great...(Here you flash it)...see?

One of the pubs was The Comedy, which is just next to The Comedy Store. As we passed, Greg Davies (We are Klang's 'fat rik mayall') was stood outside as he was MCing that night. I said "The marvellous Greg Davies" and did a curtsey. I should have left it there. But instead I went on to say that i loved his belly (as there is a facebook group called I Love The Belly Of Greg Davies). I then rubbed his belly. He said a lot of people say that. I said yes, blame Marek. I said to say hi to Marek from me then ran off to catch up with my friends. Of course how could Greg Davies pass on my hello without knowing who I was. Oh dear.

So we went to Miranda's birthday party. I've met her only a couple of times, but I think it is safe to say she is lovely, so happy birthday to her. At this party I embarrassed myself a lot I imagine. I felt maudelin and we travelled off.

I saw everyone's favourite lecturer RB on the tube home.... (photos to follow....)

HA!

And now, today, I had brunch with friends, though really, I watched my friends have brunch. I was feeling a little hungover, not too bad, but they were laughing and talking and sharing stories of bands I have never heard off. I must keep up. I was the youngest one there but I felt old and out of touch. Must go to more gigs.

Now I am back in Kent, realising I go back to Bournemouth on Friday, and hair freshly cut.

Bye!

Which of your babies do you love most?

ProBlogue
This took me ages. No really, AGES. Mostly just swapping back and forth the numbers, how can you order them?! It was hard enough getting it down to 10. Anyway...here’s what I’m on about...

Tex won Countdown Conundrum 2! Woooo!

Conundrum – GUNKFREEE
Answer – FENUGREEK (Yeh, I reckon he cheated)

He chose this as blog ‘topic’ (for ‘topic’ read ‘essay title’)

“The top ten best written TV shows of all time and why they were/are still popular and what made them great (use appropriate Harvard referencing*)”

So here is my blog in reply......

Hello everyone...

Well first of all Tex, I’m going to say that we should see popular and well-written shows as necessarily synonymous. So I’m drawn between two lists really; Top 10 most popular shows of all time, or the ten most well-written/best-written shows of all time.
This is a mammoth task Tex, you (lovely) bastard... Especially considering I don’t watch much television, apart from comedy. So I’m going to refine it a little more and do a list of top 10 comedy TV shows and what made them great, and why they are/were/aren’t/weren’t popular.

I’ll do it in reverse order to give it a late-night-channel4-oh-hurry-up-what’s-number-one feel to it!

Oh and please bear in mind that “of all time” in this essay will be taken to mean “of Sophie’s lifetime or that she has been recommended and so looked up”. I haven’t, for example, ever seen Hancock’s Half Hour, so wouldn’t know where to place it.

10 - Bang Bang! It’s Reeves and Mortimer! /Catterick
I had to put Vic and Bob in here. You may have noticed I’ve cheated a little by putting two shows. That is because I thought Bang Bang! was their best. I could do a whole blog on all each of these shows individually, so this is HARD! Maybe I should have had this as my dissertation title... :p
Yes, anyway! Bang bang saw V&B at their height, their character performances were fabulous alongside their Morecambe and Wise style ‘chatting’. Though Morecambe and Wise with slapstick. This is the main reason I put Vic and Bob in here. They brought slapstick back. You might argue that Bottom did, and it’s true, but for ME, Vic and Bob made it really funny and really original. Catterick is there as well because it’s written so smartly. There is still their ‘silly’humour, but there’s more to it than their previous stuff. If you haven’t seen it, SEE IT!

9 - Alan Partridge.
AHA! He started off as a character in On The Hour then showed up in The Day Today etc. He was great in these, but think lost it a little with Knowing Me, Knowing You. But he made up for this manymanyfold with I’m Alan Partridge. In both series, in the hotel and the caravanette, there are lines that will make you crease up that pepper a well woven catastrophe. It’s beautiful. Car crash sitcom at its best. Crash! Bang! Wallop! What a sitcom!

8 – The Office.
I seem to have placed The Office higher than Alan Partridge. Not sure why I did that really. I suppose it’s better is it? Oh I don’t know!!! Stop making me choooose. This is hell. Tex, I’m gonna get you!!

7 – Marion and Geoff.
Series 1 is a work of art. I seriously think it’s one of the best comedies ever. Hence it being in the list. Had the quality of the show stayed so high, this would probably have been number 2, or 3. Or even 1. The episodes in series 1 were 10 minutes long. On the DVD you can watch them all in one go. It’s like watching a film; the credits only play after the last episode. It is so beautifully crafted, and although I might be breaking a rule slightly because a lot of it is improvised, the story archs so gorgeously and so movingly over the series. I implore you to watch the series in one go, and not cry at the episode where he goes to Disneyland. You MUST see this. Series 2 is good, very good, but doesn’t have quite the same emotional attachment to its central character, Keith Barrett. The Keith Barrett you see in The Keith Barrett Show is quite another thing, and I think the less said about that the better. Also quick mention to Human Remains, Rob Brydon’s show with Julia Davies around the same time. And Babycow overall. What legends.

6 -League of Gentlemen
Well what to say. Wow. Each time I get to write here, I think , no THIS is my favourite. My favourite series of League of Gentlemen is definitely series 3. It’s like a huge portmanteau film. With dark comedy. It’s great, and ties together at the end....if slightly forced. They’re just fab. And Mark Gatiss should write more Doctor Who. But that’s by the by.

5 – Seinfeld.
Well hello there, it’s the first American comedy. I think this is probably the finest American TV Comedy ever...or is it...?.... It paved the way for copycat shows, including Friends. George Castanza and Kramer remain two of the best characters EVER. Racist or not. It is also the sole entry in the list for Larry David. Sorry curb fans, I thought it was too improvised and too much performance and celebrity to be in a best WRITTEN comedy list. I know, I know, Marion and Geoff, but leave it alone.

4 – Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Had to be there didn’t it! I’d say this is in here more for originality than writing finesse. Personally I much prefer their films. Nothing beats Life Of Brian.

3 - Peter Cook and Dudley Moore “Not Only...But Also”/Goodbye Again
Nothing beats the genius of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. Unfortunately the very best stuff of theirs is on stage (you can get some on dvd) and on audio (Derek and Clive Get the Horn, and the Minor sketch are personal favourites). Still, there are some GREAT, really GREAT sketches on these shows, and maybe one day they will release the whole lot on dvd rather than another “best of” for those of us who weren’t there the first time around.

2 - The Day Today/ Brass Eye
Should I really have put these above Peter Cook and Dudley Moore? I think it’s fair to. As a television show I think it is superior. (Aside note: if you are a Cook and Morris fan you should definitely have heard Why Bother, and if not why not?!) Morris’ language choices are quite simply the finest ....ARRRGH he’s amazing!
So what’s at number one? Don’t peek! You did didn’t you? You cheater.

1 - The Simpsons
I put The Simpsons at number 1 of this list because it has 3 things that nothing else in the list has all 3 of. HUGE popularity, FANTASTIC writing and LONGEVITY. (Last of the Summer Wine had longevity remember...) There’s nothing I can say about The Simpsons that everyone doesn’t know already so I shall just pray my favourite clip is on youtube......
No it’s not. But here’s a selection of good’uns.

The one I was looking for was
Marge[to Homer in bed] – “Kids can be so cruel”
Bart[overhearing] – “We can? Thanks Mom!”

In conclusion –

What I have written is pretty much a mutant child of your original question but hey, I had fun. So much for saying why they are/were/aren’t/weren’t popular. I think I may have mentioned it a little, but mostly it was me raving about my favourite shows.

Hey ho!

DICTIONARY CORNER

pisheog or pishogue (Irish) n sorcery; superstitious nonsense. [Ir piseog]

aaaaaand

COUNTDOWN CONUNDRUM 3

BATAPELLA

(I got this one pretty quickly....)

Again YOU can choose my blogging subject! You could give me your dissertation title perhaps? Then get done for plagiarism and I’ll win.

So yes, comment away with conundrum answers and argue with me about my list! I look forward to it.

Byee! I’m tired I should have gone to bed last night.....

Sophie x

*I added this. I’m so cheeky. You know I’m grateful really!

Ur mums very poor

This is Richard. He got the Countdown Conundrum correct. Well done him!

Conundrum 1 - RUSKATTIC
Answer - TRACKSUIT

Richard would like me to talk about why a lot of TV Comedy isn't very funny.

He makes a good point - "I've not actually seen "Little Miss Jocelyn" (it might be quite good) but if they can't even make the trailers for it funny what hope is there for the actual programme?"

Now I've not seen Little Miss Jocelyn either, apart from the small bit she did on Saturday Live which I talked about here, so I thought I would do my research. It was solely youtube based research to be honest. But the only conclusion I can come to is that, yes, it is pretty rubbish. There are a few smart lines, but mostly it's full of crude stereotypes played by someone who can get away with it because they are of the race that is stereotyped. This can be funny if done well, as with Goodness Gracious Me, and other examples that don't spring to mind, but in my opinion Miss J paints with a brush so broad that you think it's shit.

I shall come back to Little Miss Jocelyn in a moment...

I think it would be wrong to say there is nothing funny on television anymore, it just seems the ones that 'the masses' love are rubbish. This perhaps means that we are outcasts of society for not rolling about with laughter at Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Shit. Were we proper british people we would love it. And we would love tittybangbang. I interviewed Stewart Lee a while back and he spoke to me about Al Murray. He's a popular guy, and sells out etc etc, but the people in his audience are not necessarily who he wanted there. Here's an excerpt from the interview, I hope he doesn't mind....

"There’s an ongoing problem... every 15 or 20 years, there’s a new comedy character that espouses reactionary views in order to satirise reactionary views. In the 60s it was Alf Garnet, and today it’s Al Murray and that great, except it’s not much fun to be in their audience anymore because it’s full of BNP members. The problem is it’s such a good act, that horrible scum really like it!"

Basically, what I think I'm trying to say is that we can't blame the TV peoples for the shit they put out. It's the scum who watch it and buy the dolls and go around pointing at their faces saying they ain't bovvered that need sorting out. There is some fantastic comedy about, you just need to look a little harder.

Someone who is hilariously funny and critiques the shitty TV much, much better than me is Charlie Brooker. So catch up with all the Screenwipe episodes, including the recent Christmas special on youtube here.

But yes, there is shit. Like Titty bangbang. I've watched quite a lot of this, a friend of mine worked as a runner for the latest series and was an extra in a few scenes so we started watching it to try and see him. However, he couldn't stand it. So we never saw him. The show is directed by Bob Mortimer, but in the credits he is 'Robert Mortimer'. I guess he doesn't want the Bob Mortimer brand marred by such shite.
I have to admit, I laugh at the woman playing Tom Cruise. But Duck and Chips is so bad, it cancels out any previous laugh.

So back to Miss Jocelyn. Here's a clip.


On youtube, people can rate comments with a thumbs up or down. If a comment has a certain amount of thumbs downs, it is 'hidden' and you have to select it to read the comment. This seems fair enough when it is racist comments, but one comment that was hidden was just saying they thought the show was rubbish.
What sort of society is it where someone can't comment on a Little Miss Jocelyn clip and say it's rubbish?

Here is a mini comment race row. I will put in italics any bits that made me laugh, I will put in bold any bits that make me angry, and bold and italic for angry and laughing.

ellisking (2 months ago) Show Marked as spam

This is awful. The only thing that made me laugh was the fact that this made it onto tv. But I suppose digital tv will show any rubbish nowadays.
How can a network that produced the office and Fawlty Towers also produce catastrophic nonsense like this? Political correctness perhaps.

rht198 (7 months ago) Show Hide
Marked as spamThere really are NO funny black people on TV. This is very VERY poor.
Why can't she speak proper english??

vejaji2 (7 months ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

u can fuk ur self and ur mum and ur dad she speak messed english on purpose u batti hole

rht198 (7 months ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Why "she speak messed English on purpose" ??? Why would she? Is she simply replicating the failed grasp of the English language that the majority of blacks have in Britain???

vejaji2 (7 months ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

suck your mum she does it to entertain us and the majoraty of blacks aint retards like u might aswell join bnp and have sex partys with them so suck your mum who is bnp

Lyndanwike (6 months ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

God, you're such an idiot, your idiocy has got me laughing. Well, DUH! Hence the theme of the show. Hmm, well you see take any ethnic group fresh from another country and I doubt they'll be speaking the queens english. Asians, French, eastern Europeans.
Get with it!
You're such a loser

G00N3R4LYF (5 months ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

dont h8 us black ppl are much JOKES

namakula18 (6 months ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

ooh palez same me the drama people who speak other languages other then english usually have an accent doe not mean they cannot speak english. its the same with french men , when some speak english they have an accent. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU GENERALIZE PEOPLE( EXPECIALLY BLACK PEOPLE)AND SHOT OFF YOUR MOUTH.

pyohaha (6 months ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Well I suppose Lenny Henry, Gina Yashere, Eddie Murphy, The Wayans Family (Just to name a few) are just chopped liver, are they?
She's playing on a stereotype, which people like you assume of the people she portrays in her show. Get a life.

rht198 (5 months ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Sorry, you're right. Lenny Henry is REALLY funny. All those funny faces he pulls are too much for me sometimes

G00N3R4LYF (5 months ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

Ur mums very poor

I guess rht198 has a point with the Lenny Henry thing.

Anyway, I've been talking far too much. Still need to squeeze in....

DICTIONARY CORNER
meacock (Shakesp) adj timorous, effeminate, cowardly.

AND

COUNTDOWN CONUNDRUM 2
GUNKFREEE

G'bye!

Oh, I guess the prize will be the same for now, but I'm open to negotiations!

Sophie x

Shall I blog every day?

So this is the third blog I'm writing in as many days. Aren't you luck punters?

"Don't you want to throw away your mouldy sponge?"
"No, I like it"
"You like to put black mould in your foofoo?"
"Yeh"
"Okay"

That conversation interrupted my writing this blog so I thought I might share it with you.

Anyway, yes. My friend has started a blog to help him stop writers' block and he intends to write in it everyday. I'm going to attempt this too (I'm such a copycat) So watch out. This is going to get pretty dull. Especially considering I do nothing interesting.

Take today for example. I woke at 7 to wake up my boyfriend, then went back to sleep. You may infer from the previous blog entry that I was a bit weary today. So I milled about a lot. Mainly the day consisted of procrastination and anxiety. So I'm a bit frazzled now. As if I'd done loads of work. But I haven't.

Knock knock joke splicing
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
No need to cry about it.

(That might have been half someone else's idea but he stole a joke from me and never credited me, so I'm going to do that as well. HA)

I'm seriously racking my brains for something to write ooh, Emma and Swpnil just added me to a conversation on msn. That's how exciting my life is. Everyone's panicking about the minor project. Well I am anyway.

We have to pitch a feature film idea as if we were doing it professionally. I'm happy with the idea I've got, but I hate pitching. Come on, it's not as if it's anything I'm ever going to have to do... they spent the first 2 years telling us we'll never be able to write a feature - so why know how to pitch one?

Still I think the idea is that it's fun. I guess I can make a press pack and make it look like a bible and stuff....(my film is about a vicar who hears the voice of God telling him to sacrifice his congregation, a thriller/dark comedy)

How realistic is the pitch going to be though? If I offer to fellate my markers if they like my film, will I be marked fairly, which of course would be highly. As that's what everyone actually does. Always. Honest.

I've just been shown a blog from someone who used to do my course. Apparently he won the Plater Prize. Read his blog here. Unfortunately I took one look and threw up.

I like a boring, honest blog like mine!

COUNTDOWN CONUNDRUM #1
I got a Countdown conundrum calendar. You get a conundrum everyday.
Here's today's -
RUSKATTIC

First person to get the answer right (put it in the comments) can dictate a subject for me to blog about. Sounds boring huh? It's not. It's your chance to show my ignorance, embarrass me, or find the answer to something you can't be bothered to google yourself.
This will be a regular feature (ergh) of my blog, but the prize will probably change.

I'm also going to bring back dictionary corner. A word a day. I will pick up the dictionary and find a word I didn't know, or really love, and I'll put it up here.

DICTIONARY CORNER
holus-bolus adv all at once; altogether. [Sham L; perh from Eng whole bolus or Gr holos and bolos lump, bolos]

So let us all shout holus-bolus - "SHUT UP SOPHIE, YOU'RE BORING!"

Okay, bye.

Sophie x

Me with wine love in my eyes.....

Drunk blogging

So I've never blogged when drunk before, though it may seem like it. I've just always been down with the stream of consciousness style, alright. Now get over it.

Big ups - Paul G and Sloop John B

So yes, I am inebriated. It's the only way to survive New Year's Day with my father. Oh he's lovely, but can you believe by 9.30pm I was actually interested in his holiday snap (which are always photos of greek island landscapes badly taken) and was so drunk I was incessantly hugging him.

ermmmmmmm. Oh my I've run out of wine. No worry, no worry we shall carry on. I don't know what to write about. I know, I'll do the old trick of asking msn friends for inspiration words....

Grace - as always, first reply, goes for stretchy.
Tim - is confused. But decides on elegance.
Mayo says - gratuitious, but I think he means gratuitous...
Tex says pinata. (SHOUT OUT TO THE TEX MASSIVE :P)
Paul K says discombobulate. Smart arse.
Okse says fortune.
Paul G says a load of bollocks amongst which is wankers cramp

Right - I have got my work cut out. Use this words in a way to sum up 2007.

STRETCHY
What has been stretchy in 2007 or my life recently? First thing that springs to mind is account balance, but that makes no sense. Well I guess it's simply trousers. After Christmas binging. In 2007 overall? I suppose it is boundaries.....keep 'em fluid...

ELEGANCE
I'm not sure I have ever been elegant. I hope so, but fear not so. At the moment nothing is more elegant to me than the way wine looks in a wine glass. I suppose the most elegant thing I did all 2007 was my script. I'm pretty proud of it. In reality the most elegant I have been are the times I choose to pardon myself after belching. Oh dear.

GRATUITOUS
Don't even go there Hellman's boy.
Okay, what has been gratuitous in 07? Edinburgh. It was filthy. And so gratuitous. If you are gratuitous to the point of no return, are you grateful? I was.

PINATA
I have two pinata memories of 2007. The first is at Dana's birthday party, which was fun fun fun. The second I shall go into more. It is the tale of the VC, vicious cunt, vice chancellor, wha'ever. He has been the bane of my term. My mother came to the choir concert and i was so angry he was there with his little rat face I hatched a plan. I convinced my mother it would be hilarious to flirt with him then swiftly reject and insult him. Mother agreed this would be fun but then asked which was he. When I pointed him out she said "i'm not going to flirt with him, he looks like he has leukemia"
I love my mother.
Oh and the reason this is a pinata memory is because at the Su but mainly Animation protest, they had a pinata with paul curran's face on that they beat with a stick. It's time's like this I wish I believed in voodoo.

DISCOMBOBULATE
What have I discombobulated in 07? Myself a few times of coutrse. Everyone I talk to? You right now? I hope so. Thanks peekay, I had to google that to check the meaning. In my drunkenness it seemed a quote from the Dr Johnson blackadder.

FORTUNE
I hope this is a prediction. I'm fucking broke.

WANKER'S CRAMP
It could be wankers' cramp, i'm not sure. Pauly chose not to apostrophosise. Yes I invented that.
Okay....... thanks for this. Erm.....

Time for goodbye.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Sophie xxxxxxxxx