Sony Erection C905

I got a new phone delivered today. It is my first contract phone since Orange cut me off for something as petty as not paying my bills for months. What sort of friendship is that?

So, anyway, as well as the joy of teaching my phone to swear*, it's also time to clear out saved messages and notes of drunken ideas. These range from horrendous things that will never work to a joke which I think is pretty good and I did on stage every day at the Edinburgh Festival... with some amusing private jokes along the way. And some things I don't understand at all.

"The ballad of bedding Gail. Opera of a man date raping a woman. My true story."

"Don't expose yourself to me, expose yourself to a push pop"**

"Stand-ups? Why not consolidate all your jokes into one manageable debt advert joke?"

"'When we played star wars at school I was always chewbacca'
'what? what's she got to do with it?'
'huh'
'i thought you said sue barker'
'no, that doesn't work...'
'fuck you'"

"proper gander/propaganda..."

"Why have men not evolved to not have hair on their face? Hey, Darwin, answer me that one! Is it because God has a beard? and men are made in his image? it's blasphemous to shave..."

"Noone fancies you face down"

So.... there you go. That's not all of them obviously. I'm not cherry picking, just some may still be used in something, so they're for me. Although, Chewbacca/sue barker? Come on! Oh yeh baby.

I said Sony Ericsson...

Sophie x

*Mr Rob Heeney
** Mr Dan Sheehy