Monday, January 29, 2007

MAC vs. PC vs. NHS

Myspace seems to have this new thing of "advert of the day". They will have the same advert ALL DAY, on every available advert space.

Yesterday it was The NHS 'get unhooked' thing. I find the Tv advert a bit gross, and nto as acceptably gross as the normal gross ones (respiratory problems, people crying over spilt cancer etc). They're all fine, because it's scaremongering, but it's actually scaremongering about something relevant. Smoking can and does cause these terrible things. But I don't remember seeing anyone with a hook in their face. If they did, it's because they want it there for sexual fetishy piercing reasons. Fairplay to them. But it's not relevant to smoking. It's a pun. A shock tactic based on a pun.

See? Change the tagline to "Take care when fishing", and it loses the impact it thinks it has (but doesn't).

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not moaning about this because I do smoke. Not at all. I think these ads

are effective in bringing the dangers of smoking to a head. Quite emotive n shit. Rubbish NHS, must try harder.

But all this is nothing, NOTHING, when compared with today's adverts. They all showed Mitchell and Webb personifying a PC and a MAC, respectively. They basically infer that MACs are cooler, more reliable, and just generally...better. Aber, nein. I think the main problem is that anyone with taste will realise that David Mitchell is the more talented, witty, and generally better of the two. So that doesn't really work too well.

Fuck off!

I have an idea for an alternative one. Same thing as usual, but Robert -annoying fucking face- Webb, gets hit with the COLOURED WHEEL OF DEATH, knocking him out cold. At which point Mitchell the PC, would download documents from media2 with no problem, and would function in any temperature*

I fucking hate macs. They're so un-PC.

The only argument used to be - fuck bill gates, buy a mac. But that doesn't even stand anymore. You're feeding him more - because they're so much more expensive. If you're that bothered, buy a PC and a tin of white enamel paint.

Sophie x

*In the writer's room, in the 'style over substance' media school, the room has to be kept at 23 degrees celsius, or the MACS will malfunction.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Get money from the cracker-ass white boy!

It's not like he apologised or nowt...

See what originally happened here

Now what is plainly obvious to anyone is that there is one person who should have been there, and all this jamrag would never have got out of hand.

Here's some quotes from the big man....

"For the larger interest of humanity, Islamic society presents the safest place on this planet."

Jermaine Jackson

"Having embraced Islam, I felt as if I were born again. I found in Islam the answers to those queries which I had failed to find in Christianity."
Jermaine Jackson

"I believe if there is any place left where the humanity is still visible, it can not be anywhere else than in an Islamic society. Time would come when the world would be obliged to accept this reality."
Jermaine Jackson

"I do not agree with the U.S. government. What they are saying about Muslims and Arabs is all propaganda and brainwashing."
Jermaine Jackson

"I think Muslims have become the new Negroes in America. They are being mistreated at airports, by the Immigration - everywhere. Islam is a religion of peace. They are wrong."
Jermaine Jackson

"We've always had a love for other places outside the US. I would be right with him. Now that Michael's been vindicated, we all have to be careful... you never know what someone's plotting and planning."
Jermaine Jackson

The racist attack towards a Muslim was strangely avoided by racist/non-racist Jade. If things had gone that way, good lordy, who would the public side with? It would probably mean an end to OR the magnification of terrorism. I want to go to that parallel universe to find out.

Keep it racial.

Sophie x

Amusing name of the day

Watching the lovely Melv presenting 12 Books That Changed The World, Mary Wollstonecraft (writer of A Vindication of the Rights of Woman) had a feminist friend called.....wait for it....FANNY BLOOD.

Keep it menstrual

Sophie x

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Man bites Scarf.

What a wonderful evening. My housemate and I decided to celebrate the loans coming through in a sensible yet fun way. We rented a movie from the Arts Institute Library and ordered in pizza. MEAT FEAST. We ladies like our meat. And of course two bottles of fine wine...

So first we wathched the movie (Man Bites Dog) and drank the wine (Blue Nun...not really, we may be students, but come on!) and the pizza man arrived, lovely jubbly. The film is hilarious. I hadn't seen it in full before, just bits here and there, usually in lectures. I seem to have developed a mark gatiss-esque crush for the guy in the lead role. What is it with me and my penchant for serial killers? Maybe I should head out into charminster, swaying my hair about, brandishing a pair of scissors in case, on this occassion, the poor chap left his at home. You know what it's like when you have the whim to go to the library and find a wonderful book, but dagnammit, you left your library card at home!

Hair indeed. After the film we watched the extra feature which was a short starring the same enticing Rémy...oh lala. It's called 'Pas de C4 pour Daniel Daniel' and I implore you to see it. I couldn't find it on youtube I'm afraid. Here's a great scene from the movie though...

Hair indeed? After the watching my housemate and I continued the wine, and she said, doesn't this bit of my scarf look like did. Turns out she got it from Hawkhurst Cottage Hospital, they were throwing out a load of stuff and her stepmum asked if she wanted any of it, a nice looking scarf...yes I'll have that, she thought. Unfortunately it didn't cross her mind to check the wool. I mean it's the first thing one should do when committing to a new scarf, check it isn't made out of dead old ladies' hair.

How I laughed.

Oh and an alternative to the Queen's speech, it's James Cunt's New Year message. It's short and definitely worth a look. See the how he berates the world and how his New Years resolution is so bent towards fixing the world's problems...

Now that's a New Year's Revolution in my opinion.

Sophie x

Why not try...

Smoking tea.

Comes with Dr Johnson's recommendation.

Sophie x


Thursday, January 11, 2007

Shitbook hypocrisy ("blog this biatch!")

OK yes, I have joined facebook despite my rant only yesterday. There are so many people from my old school and has potential for gossip galore!

Bring on the bitchin'!

Sophie x

she stuttering and shaking, still talking about some pears

i just watched the whole damn r kelly thing, i was like, "is it on you tube" you tube says "yeees, all 12 chapters", and i was like " can i watch it" and it said "if you please", i said " it's so funny, i can't believe this shit is for real", and r kelly was like "i'm proud" i asked "why?" he said "just cos" i said "boy that's no reason", and he came close to my laptop, closer to my laptop, almost on my laptop. now he's on my laptop! i was like "noo" he said "bitch, you better watch this shit, cos you gotta kno-o-o-o-w. woo". he smoked a cigar, and shook his head disapprovingly, he said "you gotta understand, i am your daddy"

Sophie x

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

A Lamb, A Comedian's Arse and 'That girl' walk into a blog...

I feel in a kind of halcyon* daze. I feel happy with no real reason to. It won't last, I assure you dear duckards, but enjoy it while you can. I am. I spent most of the day reading through my housemate's dissertation, relishing in underlining spelling, grammar, punctuation and general structure alterations we could discuss later.

I then went to Sainsbury's to stock up on food. Kindly relatives all gave me and my housemate food to eat - christmas leftovers - but chocolate just simply isn't suitable nourishment. To eat enough to satiate your appetite induces vomiting, and you just have to start all over again.
You end up lying in bed, brown-mouth and glee-faced, with sick trails down the side of your bed, in a constant bulemic cycle.

You will now see my name up in glittery(ish) lights on The Comedy Bar website under 'contact'...yeh, look impressed. (This is mainly for my Mother's benefit - be proud mother, be proud, I am not a scrubber. Be proud that I love you enough to communicate my news to you in a blog rather than ring you up - I'm out of free minutes.)

I'm thinking of becoming a sexual predator. I believe it was Our Lord who said 'Ask and ye shall receive'. So I'm gonna start asking to touch people's genitals. If they decline, or resist my advances in anyway, I shall politely apologise and drift away backwards, staring, smiling.

...Then in the night I shall float through their windows, floating on my halcyon* daze, with my skin flapping around me like wings, it is so loose with excitement. I would sweep in and pierce their veins with my phallic phangs/fallic fangs.

Inspiration running dry - time to turn to the pilgrims...

Inspiration word #1: MUSE (suggested by Grace AKA Spoonsheath)
Inspiration word #2: FACEBOOK (suggested by Hannah C)
Inspiration word #3: CHOCOLATEGIRAFFE (suggested by Matt 'ortoPilot')

I was recently inspired by a muse track. I heard it at a friend's not too long ago and it really changed my viewpoint. I was inspired to march down to the record shop the very next morning and buy a CD. I got Gogol Bordello, cos they're much better than the whiney shit.
I always thought it would be great to be a muse, you get to just sit around all day being generally wonderful and inspirational to fantastically witty and talented men. But then I you have to shave your legs everyday? And make sure your eyeliner hasn't smudged? I mean, imagine a slight imperfection could fuck their magnum opus. I couldn't handle that responsibilty. So instead I shall just be a mediocre presence in some mediocre to good men. Moderate or Good.

Everyday i get an e-mail "Kel has added you to his facebook", "Mikey has added you to his facebook".... THEY DIDN'T ASK MY PERMISSION. My face is well to special to be slammed in anyone's book. I don't even have an account at facebook, how can they ADD me? I'm all for myspace, but how many sites that do exactly the same thing do we need? I mean REALLY!?!?! No offence Hannah, as I am on myspace, I'm just as bad, but at least you have to chose to be on myspace before people can add you. Even then they can only request it. Facebook, PAH. Face....shit more like.

That's just cruel Hutch, they live in Africa, they'd melt.

New word from hutch...TANTALIZE.
This comes from Tantalus, a King in Greek Mythology who would torment people with keeping things they wanted just out of reach (I'm assuming). All I know, is as punishment for his crimes, he had to stand in water which receded each time he stooped to drink it, overhung by grapes that drew back when he tried to reach them.
Two wrongs don't make a right. You nasty greek myth people. Just because someone kills people, doesn't mean we have the right to kill them. Or taunt them as they're about to die. But if you will have ridiculous facial hair... I saw the Sun (I think) the day he was hanged, and they had a picture of him in his pants. Look at him, he's in his pants, ha ha ha, he's in his pants. Oh how degraded he must feel. I doubt he's bothered about that. Not anymore anyway. He's up there chatting to Elvis. Or down there talking to Oscar Wilde (he was gay after all). Either way he's having a ball.

Comment with your inspiration words, or send me a message on myspace, and your fabulous words could be appearing in a blog near you****

Keep it gogol,

Sophie x

*Dictionary Corner word of the day. See previous posts for more great words.**
**I got moaned at for the last blog efforts. Apparently, one word and a definition does not constitute a real*** blog. Well i won't name him, because I'm far too nice for that.
***What is a real blog anyway? One that discusses topical events with a satirical sideways glance while entertaining the world. Welcome to it baby. I was satirising the nature of blogs with that short entry.
****Say if you want to be anonymous or owt!

Sunday, January 07, 2007


Yes dears, we can finally get on with our work and stop watching for that elusive winner of the 'quarter mil'. Some sceptics may think it a coincidence that it should happen at the weekend when the viewing figures are higher, but they'd be stupid, because everyone knows it's prerecorded and choosing a certain day for it doesn't make it fixed. Fuck you cynics.

I've spent most of the day lying in bed nursing my various illnesses. There's something very satisfying about curling up like a foetus with a hot water bottle. I don't know if it's the feeling sorry for yourself that is so great, or the fact you have a valid excuse to lie in bed doing nothing.

I will write more later... I have some moping in bed to do. Woe is me. No really. I am woe.

Sophie x


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