Wednesday, January 10, 2007

A Lamb, A Comedian's Arse and 'That girl' walk into a blog...

I feel in a kind of halcyon* daze. I feel happy with no real reason to. It won't last, I assure you dear duckards, but enjoy it while you can. I am. I spent most of the day reading through my housemate's dissertation, relishing in underlining spelling, grammar, punctuation and general structure alterations we could discuss later.

I then went to Sainsbury's to stock up on food. Kindly relatives all gave me and my housemate food to eat - christmas leftovers - but chocolate just simply isn't suitable nourishment. To eat enough to satiate your appetite induces vomiting, and you just have to start all over again.
You end up lying in bed, brown-mouth and glee-faced, with sick trails down the side of your bed, in a constant bulemic cycle.

You will now see my name up in glittery(ish) lights on The Comedy Bar website under 'contact'...yeh, look impressed. (This is mainly for my Mother's benefit - be proud mother, be proud, I am not a scrubber. Be proud that I love you enough to communicate my news to you in a blog rather than ring you up - I'm out of free minutes.)

I'm thinking of becoming a sexual predator. I believe it was Our Lord who said 'Ask and ye shall receive'. So I'm gonna start asking to touch people's genitals. If they decline, or resist my advances in anyway, I shall politely apologise and drift away backwards, staring, smiling.

...Then in the night I shall float through their windows, floating on my halcyon* daze, with my skin flapping around me like wings, it is so loose with excitement. I would sweep in and pierce their veins with my phallic phangs/fallic fangs.

Inspiration running dry - time to turn to the pilgrims...

Inspiration word #1: MUSE (suggested by Grace AKA Spoonsheath)
Inspiration word #2: FACEBOOK (suggested by Hannah C)
Inspiration word #3: CHOCOLATEGIRAFFE (suggested by Matt 'ortoPilot')

I was recently inspired by a muse track. I heard it at a friend's not too long ago and it really changed my viewpoint. I was inspired to march down to the record shop the very next morning and buy a CD. I got Gogol Bordello, cos they're much better than the whiney shit.
I always thought it would be great to be a muse, you get to just sit around all day being generally wonderful and inspirational to fantastically witty and talented men. But then I you have to shave your legs everyday? And make sure your eyeliner hasn't smudged? I mean, imagine a slight imperfection could fuck their magnum opus. I couldn't handle that responsibilty. So instead I shall just be a mediocre presence in some mediocre to good men. Moderate or Good.

Everyday i get an e-mail "Kel has added you to his facebook", "Mikey has added you to his facebook".... THEY DIDN'T ASK MY PERMISSION. My face is well to special to be slammed in anyone's book. I don't even have an account at facebook, how can they ADD me? I'm all for myspace, but how many sites that do exactly the same thing do we need? I mean REALLY!?!?! No offence Hannah, as I am on myspace, I'm just as bad, but at least you have to chose to be on myspace before people can add you. Even then they can only request it. Facebook, PAH. Face....shit more like.

That's just cruel Hutch, they live in Africa, they'd melt.

New word from hutch...TANTALIZE.
This comes from Tantalus, a King in Greek Mythology who would torment people with keeping things they wanted just out of reach (I'm assuming). All I know, is as punishment for his crimes, he had to stand in water which receded each time he stooped to drink it, overhung by grapes that drew back when he tried to reach them.
Two wrongs don't make a right. You nasty greek myth people. Just because someone kills people, doesn't mean we have the right to kill them. Or taunt them as they're about to die. But if you will have ridiculous facial hair... I saw the Sun (I think) the day he was hanged, and they had a picture of him in his pants. Look at him, he's in his pants, ha ha ha, he's in his pants. Oh how degraded he must feel. I doubt he's bothered about that. Not anymore anyway. He's up there chatting to Elvis. Or down there talking to Oscar Wilde (he was gay after all). Either way he's having a ball.

Comment with your inspiration words, or send me a message on myspace, and your fabulous words could be appearing in a blog near you****

Keep it gogol,

Sophie x

*Dictionary Corner word of the day. See previous posts for more great words.**
**I got moaned at for the last blog efforts. Apparently, one word and a definition does not constitute a real*** blog. Well i won't name him, because I'm far too nice for that.
***What is a real blog anyway? One that discusses topical events with a satirical sideways glance while entertaining the world. Welcome to it baby. I was satirising the nature of blogs with that short entry.
****Say if you want to be anonymous or owt!


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