Monday, April 30, 2007

Twunts and Fucktards in a SuperThunderStingCar

Sometimes I wonder what sort of people it is I go to Uni with. I have some lovely friends, and I wouldn't swap them for the world, don't get me wrong. However...there are some serious tools hanging about the Media School. I was in a lecture this afternoon and I noticed someone in front of me had a PDA/Blackberry type thing. This is all very normal in the Barleyesque style-over-substance world that is Bournemouth Media School. But here's the thing, they were playing noughts and crosses on it. PAPER AND A PEN NOT GOOD ENOUGH!? What made it worse was that one of them kept losing. Now I don't know about you, but I haven't lost a game of noughts and crosses since I was about 13 or 14. Nor have I won a game. Because you always draw....because it's so simple. Apparently not. It was making me cringe, I almost wanted to shout... DON'T PUT A NOUGHT THERE YOU TWUNT, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT FUCKTARD HAS GOT ONE IN EITHER CORNER?!?!?
In other news, I went to see Pete and Dud Come Again at the Lighthouse in Poole tonight. It was a great show, the chap playing Dudley Moore was particularly good. Gog from Peep Show was playing Peter Cook, and I thought he was good, but didn't really touch on the sex appeal of Mr Cook and instead just kept on the smug/bitter/jealous side. He was very good though, as was the play in general.
So now I'm enjoying my Cook & Moore DVDs. Love those leaping nuns.

Sophie Niesden x

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Are you part of a statistic, and don't know it?

In 'the guardian' today, they did a little piece about how sex has changed over time, how people are losing their virginity earlier, and how nothing is better than asphyxiation, etc, etc...

One little statistic they gave was this:

"64,500 people are living with HIV, and 20,100 don't know it."

What does this mean? 20,100 people have HIV, but don't know it, that's what it means, simple. But how did they get the statistic? The only way I can fathom that they got such specific data for the number of people who have HIV, but don't know it, is that SOMEONE knows they have HIV, but has chosen not to tell them. So when you go and get tested, when they give you the good news, you haven't, make sure you say "Really?....", "really?" and "no, really?". Doctors always give in on the third 'really'. Also make sure you don't say something silly like, "Well I certainly hope I haven't got the HIV, I don't want to become a statistic".
You will of course become a statistic, but you will be in the minority of people with the HIV. And it's cool to be in the minority. Everyone knows this since Green Day said it, back in 1932. Which must mean that Green Day all have HIV, but don't know it. If anyone knows any of the band Green Day, first of all kick them in the balls and tell them to stop conforming, and could they perhaps be good again, then tell them, "Oh, and you've got HIV". Please remember to inform the Guardian once you have done so, so they can adjust their statistic.

We must catch those evil NHS people, perhaps there are many diseases they know we have, but are choosing not to tell us. Perhaps they're scared of telling us, so just say "Ignorance is bliss". But they should listen to this little nugget of wisdom:


Hence I have done some of my own 'research', sneaking through files, and I've discovered that the following have HIV, but - until now - didn't know it...(Don't worry, I'll inform the Guardian)

Tom Sparrow, Janice Splay, Catriona Gargoyle, Harry Kent, Miles McOnanist*, Gary Toodles, Carmen Jammy, Scab O'Doodle, Sandra Harrowing, Charlie Aids, Joe Blogspot, Kara Tara Pumpkinson, Sophie Johnson, Upside-Down Dave, Wendy Candle, Bob Labia, Tony Badly, Corrugated Anne, Gwen Osmond and Jim 'oh-so-big' Bopping.

Spread the word. It is our job to act.

Sophie x

*This is the only true one. Please tell him.
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