"I'm no racist, I take the piss out of the poofs too!"
The world of comedy has not had such a blow since the death of Peter Cook. Sir Bernard Manning died yesterday at 3.10pm. I heard the news at about 5 when I was in the car, listening to Radio 4.
Frank Carson was talking to the presenter of PM about what a great chap he was, and although he wasn't favourite amongst 'this new breed' of comedians, he was one of the most popular comedians, ergo he was not racist. Hoenstly, that's how his argument went. "There are many comedians out there who don't make me laugh. Bernard always made me laugh. And many others too. Ergo he was not offensive or a racist, or even fat. He just seemed fat because he was that jolly"*
I was also shocked to hear that Polpot has won Britain's Got Talent. For a start, he's not British, so I think he should be disqualified. And don't get me started on the genocide thang. Still, he did have a nice singing voice. Nothing that amazing, but I can sympathise with him. He had a talent, and it was overlooked by those naughty things wot he done. Like Hitler, noone really took the time to appreciate his marvellous use of language, and metaphorical, figurative language in particular when describing the many ways he would like to kill the jews. So Polpot has finally managed to get his skill recognised, good on him. He probably had a lot of time to practise while he was under house arrest. You should see his tapestry collection, simply marvellous. He made a long, long tapestry, similar in style to the Bayeaux Tapestry, but documenting Bernard Manning's career. My favourite section is where he gets an arrow in his eye and says "Oh fucking hell, cunting Mother-In-Law". It will be auctioned at Christies in a couple of months. I think they're waiting for it to coincide with Polpot's first album "Polpot sings the HITS".
Actually, I have a little confession to make, I'm not proud of my actions, but I think they are quite amusing. Judge for yourself, am I evil, or am I a wry commenter on society. (The answer is both). When they announced Bernard Manning had died, I did a Tim Henman style "YES" (with fist-in-the-air action included), I followed this up with a laugh. I'd like to say an embarrassed, delicate laugh, but it was raucous and involved a few lumps of malice. The chap who was chauffering me gave me a quizzical look, then smiled. I'm controversial I am, a bit like Salman Rushdie. Except the Queen doesn't think me worthy, what a cunt. See, that's controversial isn't it? I just called the Queen a cunt for no real reason.
So I've gone of point a bit, my point was, I celebrated the death of Bernard Manning.
Look at the marvellous cartoon Okse did. Prompted me to finally wipe the tears (of laughter) away from my eyes and write this little blogarithm....
So there we are. And it's the end of The Comedy Bar season. So for the summer I shall be a "The Fix" girl, climbing aboard the good ship Deansway.
If anyone wants to share with us in Edinburgh, or knows someone who might, do let me know.
Now let us join our hands and pray for Bernard. He needs it, believe me.
At least Jim Davidson is still alive...
*May be paraphrased a little