Saturday, December 01, 2007

Saturday Live Again...and surrounding adverts.

Hello and welcome. My name is Sophie and I am here to take you by the hand and tell you how you should have responded to Saturday Live Again, the reincarnation of Saturday Live or Saturday Night Live if you have trouble telling the time of day. (Added bonus of the adverts that happened to come on in between. You don't win them though. I'm not Ant and/or Dec. Whatever they say.)

iphone. you'll be surprised by some of the things you see on youtube. saddam hussein being hung.....on your phone.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's that show that you weren't quite born in time for, but still somehow affected your upbringing. (Just me then.) SATURDAY LIVE! Please welcome your host, the handsome my-boyfriend-lookalike, MMMMMMMMAARCUS BRIGSTOCK!
Wooo yeh! Hoooray!
What's with the set? Is it a jungle jim? Hmm. Fair enough.
Brigstock kicks off with some classic CDs lost in the post material and all is going well. But we need some music to kick off the evening. Something that really speaks of today. Something that says 'now'.
Bon Jovi.
Then a wee set from Lee Mack. Lovely, fine. All good so far. Apart from Bon Jovi perhaps.

First advert break and we are treated to the Thornton's advert where things jig back and forth as time is standing still as a little boy decides what to have written in icing on chocolate. Quite a nice little advert. But when you see it look at the kid. He has a yellow rollneck on and brown ankle swingers on. And a teddy boy's hairstyle. I'd prefer to steer clear from such an obvious comment but he really did look like a child dressed as a paedophile. Perhaps it was for fancy dress. Or perhaps he is a paedophile. I was a paedophile as a child, but I grew out of it.

Oh good, Saturday Live is back on. Oh Mitchell and Webb are doing a student play. Oh no, it's a sketch. Someone should have told them they have microphones. They're usually great performance but weak writers. This sketch they managed to go for the double bill of a bad performance too. Shame.

Next up is that Pete Firman chap soon to be coming toThe Comedy Bar which was fun. Though my housemate almost vomited. Always a good way to start a Saturday Night.

Next up in the weak second section is Jeremy Lion. I don't know what his act really IS, but this time round he was drinking what I assume wasn't actually alcohol....anyway, one glass for each verse of the 12 days of Christmas and as it continues he gets more and more 'drunk' and gets the words wrong. HAHAHAHA.....
Isn't someone drunk really funny?
Well kind of.
Isn't someone pretending to be drunk really funny?
Nah.
What if they sang funny alternative lyrics?
Sure.
Lyrics that aren't funny?
Nah.
Did it just make you feel sick?
Yeh a bit.

Brigstock relieves you from this section of non-laughter with a nice little 'don't go away' line -
"Frankly if you watch anyfink else you is well lame, and your mum is a tramp."

AD BREAK!
Very best power ballads. I'm going to buy it for my Dad for christmas. He won't want it. But that's why they're advertising it right? They know best.

Mistletoe kisses from Galaxy? Can someone help me out with this one? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't mistletoe poisonous? Mmmmmm. Yummy.

BACK TO THE SHOW!

Jo Caulfield. She's great but I wish she would stray away from the Women/Husbands/Periods material. women women women women women blah blah.

We Are Klang had me and my housemate laughing so hard that Paddy came running down the stairs to see who was on after stropping off when Mitchell and Webb came on.
They were so good. Go and see them. And join the facebook group "I love the belly of Greg Davies"

OK no one can beat them so we'd better have some music next...
Hard-Fi. Television, new religion, hallelujah. Shut up.

Little Miss Jostling her way onto TV. ARRRRRRGH. We're still giggling from We Are Klang, but that soon stops. That's all I have to say about this because I went out for a cigarette. Smoking isn't all bad.

Next up is The Human Slinky.... Put this guy on at 2am on repeat. It's nice. I wanted a go. Maybe he's on youtube....
Here you go

Not sure why he was on the show, but hey. People like bright colours.

And now what everyone has been waiting for. BEN ELTON. I saw him twice in Edinburgh. The first time, I thought, ooh Ben Elton, then hated myself for being impressed. I promised myself I would shout SPLITTTAAAAH if I saw him again. I did see him again. I didn't shout splitter.

Here is his set (cut down a little)....

EVERYTHING IS TOO BIG! mars bars like donkey's dicks. HAHAHA. SWEETS ARE TOO BIG! (IT'S SO TRUE!!!! HAHAHAHAHA. )
Starbucks. Coffee in pints... hHAHAHA It's tooo BIG! Buckets of coffee! - ~It's too big!
Kids will drown in their fanta. (HHHAAHA)
Papers. too many sections. too big! HAHA. you can't read it in a day. HAHA arsehole section. HAHAHAHA.
DVDs are too big.... you can't buy just the movie. bonus scenes... too crap for the movie. EVERYTHING IS TOO BIG!
EVERYTHING'S got too big. Plasma's too big.
Tits have got too big. What do they look like - Circus freaks. (HAHA YEH THEY DO! THEY ARE NOT AN ANIMALS LOL)
Lips. Everythings got too big
4 wheel drives. too big.
Ben Elton's head...too big.
paycheque too big.

I wish that was how he ended it. Unfortunately those last two lines are fictional (the rest isn't I swear!)
He chose to end it by quoting Newton's 3rd law of mechanics. For every action there is an equal and an opposite reaction. The ice caps and the rainforests are shrinking.

Because of King Size Mars Bars? Who knew.....

Jimmy Carr was his usual self. Which is good. Perfect for this show really.

LET'S GET THE JOVI BACK! With a classic It's My Life. You know the one that starts BOW WOW!
If you didn't see how they achieve that sound effect, basically they hae a tube eminating from the guitarists stomach and a small moster that lives there belches into the tube, it travels up and into the microphone. Simply amazing.

Roll credits.

What did you think?

7 Comments:

Blogger Pynchon said...

Didn't watch it. Pointless. Nothing has dated worse than 80's comedy.

23:00  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are the most unappreciative little shit I've ever had the unfortunate experience of having enough time to read half of the crap you wrote slagging off the best comedy programme ever produced. And commentary on the adverts get a life you sad bitch.

16:47  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you know if there is any clips online of We Are Klang. We too were laughing soooo much

23:22  
Blogger Chris Coltrane said...

Hello Jeff!

http://chris-coltrane.livejournal.com/332982.html

I started writing a comment in reply, but it became so long that I figured I might as well turn it into a blog post of my own. :)

15:09  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps if you didn't enjoy it you should have turned it off. Could you do better?

18:49  
Anonymous Richard (off MySpaz) said...

Don't listen to the comments about switching off, you're providing a service by saving me having to watch programmes I won't enjoy.

I wished you'd watched "The Life and Times of Vivenne Vyle" for me which, for some reason, I watched almost every episode of. Still that show really made me think, made me think bloody hell this isn't funny! (nicked from Alexei Sayle)

10:49  
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05:06  

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