Living on the tracks

Sunday 27^th January 9pm

There’s a thing a lot of people have been saying about the combination of listening to comedy and public transport. That thing is DON’T. Never the twain shall meet. But the truth is, it’s the best time to listen. At home, you’re either doing something else and can’t give the comedy your full attention, end up missing bits and having to endlessly rewind a minute or two. By the time the joke you’ve missed has come round again, you’ve got back into your work and have stopped listening properly again. So it goes on and you end up hearing the same bits over and over again. The whole thing ends up being a not entirely pleasant experience. The other problem is that at home you tend to have a television with, if you’re lucky, a DVD player. Why treat one sense when you can treat two? Give those eyes some bright colour and excitement as well as your lugholes.

So, as I was saying, the best time to listen to comedy is on the move, and as I don’t drive, public transport it is. So here I am on the train, listening to Harry Hill’s Hooves, a live show. I’m finding it funny so, inevitably, laugh. But then I lolled all over the place. A big fat LOL! I was a little embarrassed but fuck it, I like it when I hear people laughing on the train, whether it is apparently at nothing or not (If you check and there are no headphones attached to this person, perhaps it is a little strange) ANYWAY, when I lolled, a girl, I don’t know about my age, maybe a little older. Stared at me, got up from her seat and moved a little way down the carriage. How rude! Well I’m sorry if my merriment is ruining your journey! The worst thing is, she took the only table and spread her stuff about so as to make it clear there was to be no sharing; scarf on one seat, coat on another, bag on the other and bum on the last. Here I am scrunched up with my laptop. Of course she has moved now in her Women Against Laughter protest, but I reckon her strop aura is still there and don’t want to get involved in those vibes. Plus I can’t be arsed to move.

(If you like blogs about incidents on trains, why not check out Matthew Crosby’s blog? It is full of good ones.)

I’ve got a presentation on Tuesday. I’ve got to pitch a feature film idea. It’s going quite well, I’ve spent the weekend doing a photo shoot and on powerpoint. I rule. Not as much as my boyfriend though who took and ‘polished up’ the photos for me. Here’s the mock up poster for my film (It’s a dark comedy (very dark, think Wicker Man) about a vicar who hears the voice of Yahweh, the old testament God. He hears the voice and it tells him to sacrifice his congregation, one by one, as they sin.)

As a thank you I ordered him Belleville Rendezvouz on DVD, we caught it on, more4 I think it was. It’s a French animation which is dialogue free, save for the incidental back, it looks fantastic, my vole (did I say vole? I meant boyfriend) was hooting like a loon. I’m on the train now, obviously (still laughing along to Harry Hill) but when I get back I shall see if there is a clip on the you tube and if there is it shall appear here -

I’m on the second leg of the journey back to Bournemouth. It’s now almost 11pm. What a dirty stop out! But ooh get me, I’m in a first class carriage. And this time it’s not at the invitation of maybe-bad-man Chris Langham. I’m on a train which seems to think the only people who use laptops which might need plugging in are first class ticket holders. So I went to see the guard to see if they were doing the £5 upgrade they sometimes do at weekends. £5 for a carriage to myself is a small price to pay. This is a long journey and it’s a late train so most people are drunk. It turns out I don’t even need to pay it. The guard “can’t be bothered” to upgrade me. I commend such laziness.

Because of this luxury and solitude I am committing the biggest train sin. I am playing my music aloud. The lovely back catalogue of Lambchop. Mmmm nice. If I could smoke in here, this would be the perfect writing atmosphere. I always write more on the train than anywhere else.

This has given me a great idea. If I could afford to, I would travel around all day, with nothing but my laptop and handbag. I could go as far as I like, (flights and boats I will disallow, or it may turn into a glorified Gap Year) and take a couple of hours break in a different city every day. Spend the morning on the way to Manchester (for example) have lunch there, meet a friend, spend the afternoon travelling back. All the time I shall be writing, not being distracted by the internet or Mariokart, or a social life.

Maybe I’ll write a book about it. Maybe I will go all around the world. I’ll call it Me and My Laptop.

Maybe not.

You may have noticed that I still find ways to procrastinate. Apart from writing this blog, I have also played 2 games of Mahjong on my laptop. Still, I’ve done a considerable more amount of work than I normally do.

And this blog is a considerable amount longer. Apologies.

Here’s a COUNTDOWN CONUNDRUM for you ... I can’t remember what the last one was, oh yeh REALISTIC was the answer. Adam and Robin both got it right, but neither claimed their prize. So this blog we have a ROLLOVER! WOOOOOOOOOOO! Not only do you get to chose the topic or make me say whatever you like in the next blog, you also will get to chose from the following prizes –

1 – Choose what I have as my myspace picture for one week. You can either choose from my pictures already there, or you can choose any photo on the world wide interweb (or your collection). As long as it won’t get my account deleted, it’s your choice.

OR

2 – I will photoshop your myspace picture in as amusing a way I can think of. Or design you a new one, something like that.

Want that amazing prize? Do you? DO YOU? Well you’ll have to earn it! Here’s the conundrum –

FLEASKINS

There you are.

We are now arriving at Woking, Woking is the next station.

Bye!

Sophie x