Tuesday, April 29, 2008

On Films and Indulgence

I don’t like watching films much. And I think I’ve just realised why.

I just watched The Darjeeling Limited. I’ve wanted to watch it for a long time, but (as I said) I don’t like watching films much. If you’ve seen the film you will know that there are tender moments in it, but it is hardly the sort of film you’d cry at.

I didn’t cry, but if I was on my own I would have.

When I watch a film, I feel sad. I am moved too easily. Even if a film has a happy ending, I will feel elated, and then the realisation as the credits roll that I will soon have to leave the comfortable world (if it be that) that the film has created. If it is a sad film, I will be moved even more so. I think I have cried harder at a film than any situation in my life. I’m really thinking hard. I can’t think of a moment in my life where I sobbed so thoroughly as at The Elephant Man.
It’s not as if nothing sad as ever happened to me, I have cried plenty. But I think that films give you a comfortable sphere, or bubble, or something like that, where you can cry and cry and cry and cry. Really indulge yourself in tears.

Because it feels good.

When the film is over, I find it hard to return immediately to being me (that’s the happy, jokey, fun, whatever-you-think-of-me, Me.) I’ll feel sad for a while. Often if I watch a film I’ll feel upset for hours. I’ll pontificate on how the film made me feel, why I was so upset, why do I get so upset? I’ll examine why I found certain scenes so sad, was it because of something that happened to me, or how I’m feeling about someone at that time?

People say that cinema is escapism. It allows you to hide away from your life for a couple of hours. But it doesn’t. It doesn’t. It makes you feel, hurt, love and drags up all these feelings and they can’t be simply extinguished by rolling credits and some nice music at the end.

That’s why I don’t like watching films much.

Sophie x


Blogger Jerry said...

Better to feel than not to fee.


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