Friday, April 11, 2008

In which I go to Alton Towers and talk about Paedophilia (again).

Hello you!

Have you missed me? I bet you have. I bet you've been writing fanblogs.

Anyway, while I've been busy with my dissertation I did write a few notes down of things to write about in future blogs. Here are a few amusing anecdotes I noted down....

1. Mum heroine spoon

2. Nightmare Hanson

3. Conservative Man on the train

4. Big Cook little cook

I imagine I intended to elaborate on these but blimey heck and fuckles, I shall not. So there.

So I got my dissertation in all fine and it was okay in the end. It's called Don't Blaspheme for God's Sake! Schnarf! It's all about the right to blaspheme and how comedy is the place to do it. If you're interested I have a pdf for you. Just hit me with your email address and you can read the wonderment. Let joy be unconfined!

Since then I've been celebrating and doing very little. I went to the Doctor Who exhibition at Earls Court, I went to see Gogol Bordello at Brixton Academy, turned 23 and went to Alton Towers. These were all a lot of fun, but the highlight would have to be Gogol Bordello. It was the second time I'd seen them and they were just as marvellous. I made a foolish footwear choice though. Canvas pumps. Not the right thing for a mosh pit. Bruises followed. They still ache, over a week later.

Alton Towers was great too. I get a bit weird with adrenaline....
If you haven't been since the arrival of oblivian, the vertical drop rollercoaster, I insist that you do. It made me do a noise that sounded like pain and orgasm rolled into one groan. But it was oh-so-good! In the picture they take, my friend Paul had ecstatic joys all over his face. Someone pointed this out and Paul remarked that for that 2 seconds he felt truly alive. So if you're a maudlin inclined melancholic person, get yourself to Alton Towers and find out what happiness feels like!

But, dear reader, I have a confession to make. I am now an iCunt. FEAR NOT! I have not bought a mac, but received an iPod for my birthday from my far-too-genorous boyfriend. And I have to admit, it is great. Fuck. But it did mean that I had to sort out my iTunes library which meant alphebetisation, sorting, labelling and cor blimey I love that sort of thing.

Thursday was my birthday and I spent the majority of the day travelling from Manchester to Bournemouth. I happened upon an abandoned guardian and grabbed it with my greedy liberal hands. Inside was this beauty which I ripped out and put in my wallet (click for bigger)
So, to recap, children are pretending to be paedophiles pretending to be children. That's fantastic! My fear (and worry not, I'll be getting in touch with the Daily Mail) is that paedophiles will read the guardian and say, "hmmmm.....". After saying that they will then go online and pretend to be a child pretending to be a paedophile pretending to be a child.

This is all quite stressful and confusing. They think it's children because they're using the language used is "at times childish". Now I'm sure paedophiles have already thought of this one. But what about that Monkey Dust sketch where a paedophile pretends to be a child and ends up meeting up with another paedophile doing exactly the same? Well.... what if a child pretending to be a paedophile and a paedophile pretending to be a child meet up? No that's just confusing. Would that be good for either? Erm. What about a child pretending to be a paedophile and a child who is just a child but wants to be voilated by a paedophile. Imagine the poor child's disappointment when they arrive at the park, botty lubed, to see their little brother's mate tommy sat on the park bench? We must protect children from this eventuality. Ensure that paedophiles on the internet are real paedophiles not these bastards faking it. What on earth is the world coming to?

Not all paedophiles take it this seriously though. For some it's just a hobby, now and again....

I like to be a paedophile, a paedophile, a peaedophile.
I like to touch the kids and smile, (not always,once in a paedowhile.)

On that note, (it was B flat) I shall close my blog.

Let's bring back the conundrum! I think it's quite a tricky one today. So good luck!


Keep it bloggy,

Sophie x


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